Friday, January 31, 2020

About Losing Kobe

When Kobe died last Sunday, I was getting ready for church.  Going about my normal day.  I was sitting in a pew just as church was starting when my husband turned around and said to me, “Kobe Bryant just died.”  You know how sometimes people will say things to you in a language you know but none of the words fit and it sounds like another language?  That’s how I felt.  He repeated himself at my request and I immediately went to Google to verify his news…sure he was wrong.  He wasn’t.  I spent most of the day on Sunday tracking the story.  For a minute there was a mistaken report all four of his children were with him, there was a false report that Rick Fox was on the fated flight.  There were reports that three others were gone, then five, then finally, nine.  I was tracking the report when confirmation that all of Kobe’s children were not on board, but his Gianna was.  I couldn’t figure out why, but I was…numb.  The kind of numb-sad that you get when someone you KNOW dies.  I didn’t know Kobe.  Hell, I didn’t even like most of what I knew.  I’m a SUNS FAN.  I bleed orange.  I don’t buy stuff that has purple and yellow in it together.  The Lakers SUCK.  But I couldn’t shake it.  I couldn’t shake the numb-sad weirdness all day on Sunday, or for several days after, so I decided some introspection was in order to figure out what on earth I was mourning.

Kobe was born on August 23, 1978.  That makes him exactly one month older than me.  He graduated from high school in 1996, the same year I did.  He was a kid when he came into the NBA, but I was a kid at the same time.  A kid, who thought I knew everything, not unlike Kobe.  I mean, I wasn’t signing contracts worth millions of dollars, but I was growing up at the same time as Kobe.  I think that’s the part that connects me to him.  Kobe made mistakes.  He was selfish on the court, rude at times to his coaches and teammates, and then there was the sexual assault charges, known since his passing as “the Colorado incident”.  The accuser refused to testify, charges were dropped, there was an out of court civil settlement, he admitted to mistakes that night, cheating on his wife.  She almost left him.  It scared him, he loved her and he seemed to work at getting it together.  He was no Michael Jordan (who I didn’t like either BLEED ORANGE people), but he spent the first part of his career in MJs shadow, always being compared to the GOAT.  I wonder what that might have done to his young psyche.  It was shortly after all of the issues from “the Colorado incident” were concluding that he stopped wearing number 8 and started wearing number 24.  I could be totally off base, but in my head I though of him as “next” after MJ, 24 to Michael Jordan’s 23.  He got his life back together, stories started to come out about his work ethic, his mentoring his teammates, and he started to really be seen as not only a leader in his team, but in national basketball on the whole.  His wife filed for divorce in 2010, but the divorce was never finalized, and they publicly reconciled in 2013.  He had devastating injuries.  He MADE two free throws AFTER is achilles snapped for heaven’s sake (look it up, it’s dumb).  When he announced that he would retire at the end of the 2015-2016 season, I was not upset, I was happy (could the Laker’s suck on the scoreboard as much as they did in my heart now, please?).  I was glad that a man who spent 20 years doing what he loved, got to get the send off that he deserved.  Fans all over the country would get to say goodbye during his farewell tour. 

In the years since his retirement, I’ve seen him surprise people on Ellen, make jokes on Fallon, and sit courtside with his daughter, Gigi.  Since retiring Kobe added two daughters to his family with Vanessa, one in December of 2016 and one just last year.  By all reports, he was enjoying retirement, becoming an amazing father, an advocate for women’s sports, and an all around good guy. 

Why am I telling you about all of these things?  Well, because I thought about them as I was trying to figure out my grief.  And I think I figured it out.  I care about Kobe, because he was a real person.  Sure, he was some kind of stupid superhero on the court, but he was flawed, he made stupid mistakes, he almost lost the things that matter most.  But, like all of us, he grew up, and in my case, he grew up at the same time I was growing up.  He made amends, with his wife, with his coaches, with his teammates, with his fans, with himself. 

It was a normal Sunday morning for him last week too.  He regularly commuted by helicopter, it was nothing special.  He probably fussed at Gigi to hurry so they weren’t late, just like I fuss at my kids when I’m trying to get out of the door.  He probably kissed his wife in that quick way that we do when we know we are going to see our loved ones in a couple of hours, not like you would if you knew it was the last time.  Maybe his other daughters got hugs and kisses and maybe he didn’t even bother since it was Sunday morning and they were probably sleeping in.  I wonder if he knew for the 80ish seconds that the helicopter was quickly losing altitude that those were his last few seconds.  I think of the helplessness he must have felt, that he couldn’t save Gigi, or himself, or anyone else on that helicopter. 

Why do I, a SUNS fan, who literally hates all things Lakers (except that minute Nash played for them, because I just love Steve Nash) care so much about Kobe’s passing?  Because, in some ways, Kobe and I are alike.  Flawed human beings, who have made mistakes and amends.  Parents, who love our children, completely and unconditionally.  And ultimately, I’m a normal person, who doesn’t tell people how much I love them enough, because I think I have all of the time in the world…just like we all think we do, but the truth is, we don’t.  So, tell your people how you feel, do good things, take advantage of the time you have to make a difference, because none of us knows how long we have, not even the superheroes.

Friday, September 25, 2015

What I learned in 1 Nephi 1-5 this time

So, I've read the Book of Mormon before, probably more than a dozen times, maybe not as many times as I should have by now in my life, but enough times to be pretty familiar with the stories and principles taught there.  And truth be told, like many LDS people, I have read these five chapters of the Book of Mormon probably close to a hundred times (because 1 Nephi is an easy and kind of fun read, so I "commit" to read the Book of Mormon and I get through 1 Nephi just's the brick wall in 2 Nephi that I have a hard time getting through!), but everytime I read them I seem to get a new insight.  This time as I studied these chapters I had a couple of thoughts I am going to try to bring together to share with you.

First, as I always am, I was struck by the first couple of verses in the Book of Mormon.  Why did Nephi start this way, why did he tell us he was born of "goodly parents"?  I think it was because so many of US were born of "goodly parents"!  This simple declaration allows us to have something immediately in common with Nephi and to relate to him right from the beginning.  One of the student leaders teaching about this part of the Book of Mormon in my class this week mentioned that she had a hard childhood, and always before when she had substituted her name for Nephi's in this scripture that it made her sad, she said that through prayer this time she was struck with the knowledge that she does have "goodly parents" in her eternal parents, but she as her pondering and prayers continued she realized that while her own mortal parents were not perfect, they were trying, they were GOOD after all.  I have been blessed in my life to have goodly parents, not perfect parents, they have made mistakes in their own lives and they have made mistakes as parents, but they have testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ, they are trying their best to live the gospel, and everything they have ever done as parents was based in love for me.  As a parent now myself I can see that even more clearly now than I ever have before.  In one sentence in one verse of scripture Nephi has helped me to see the beauty of parenthood and to have a deeper love and understanding for my own parents and for my own role as a parent.

Second, I took a new insight from the commandment Lehi's family followed to leave Jerusalem.  Can you imagine for a second that you are Sariah?  Lehi is a man of means, they live a comfortable life in a big city, then one day your husband comes in and says, "I have had a vision from the Lord that the great city we live in will be destroyed, we need to leave".  Not, "We need to move to another city we are aware of", not "We need to fortify our walls and prepare to fight", just "We need to leave".  Can you imagine?  We are a Navy family, and we are called upon by my husband's job to move often.  It's hard to leave our friends and the life we have carved out for ourselves when we move, but we move in a car, to a place that we know, and we take ALL of our stuff with us!  I think of the leap of faith that I consider it when I move and I have newfound love and respect for Sariah who followed her husband and did what the Lord asked when there is no way that that was an easy choice for her, I cannot imagine the faith it must have required and I hope that someday I can have faith like Sariah.

Finally, I was struck by 1 Nephi 3:6, not just verse 7 which is a verse that most people know, but verse 6, where Nephi is told "...go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured".  I am good at doing what I should.  Not great, but pretty good at doing what I should, but I'm probably not as "favored of the Lord" as I could be because I certainly have a tendency to murmur about those things I have to do.  I want to be favored of the Lord, I want to work towards doing things with a cheerful heart, without complaint.

I love the scriptures, what a blessing it is to have them in our lives.  I am grateful for Nephi and for the plainness with which he wrote to us about his life so that we could learn so much from him and use his example to gain insights into our own lives.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Valentine Crafty

I made the Valentines for Punk's kindergarten class and thought I would share here (if we are friends on FB you've already seen them).  Everything was made with the help of my new awesome toy I got for Christmas, my Silhouette Cameo.

Pile of Valentine Boxes for Punk's class.  Box file is from the Silhouette store, I used the "Print and Cut" feature on my Sil to allow me to personalize the boxes!

I love this little superhero I also got from the Silhouette store, I gave him red hair just like my little Punk!

Inside each box was a personalized cape for Punk's classmates (this alphabet is ALSO from the Sil store), the capes are from the Dollar Tree and I personalized them using heat transfer vinyl (green for the boys, raspberry for the girls).

Here is Punk modeling his cape!

He's thrilled....

Monday, October 28, 2013

What DOES the Fox Say?

Have you seen this viral video/internet sensation/total craziness?  My brother (Ryan Scott of Full Court Press Radio) suggested I check this out over a month ago and I kept forgetting, but I finally got to it this week...I watched it, then I called the kids in.  They LOVE should too.  What's better than some good clean foxy fun?  Now, go get your gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding on!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Suessical Party!!!

We threw the boys a joint birthday party in August (I know, their birthdays are in July, but Punk knew he got to go to school as soon as he turned 5 and there was just no way we could throw a party in July and deal with him asking if it was time to go to school yet for 6 weeks).  I'm just now getting the pictures put up...sorry.  I should note that my super awesome friend Chelsea from Chelsea Heap Photography did the photography (her sweet son was one of our guests as well)'s so awesome to have known Chelsea since she was just a little older than our boys are now and to see what an awesome talented woman she has grown into...okay, enough of that.

Knowing that this was the last year I was going to be able to pick the boys theme for their party and knowing that the rest of the parties I throw them are going to have to be super heroes and exclusively 'boy' stuff because my boys are really turning that corner into 'boys only' territory, I picked Dr. Seuss as the theme because I've been dying to throw a Dr. Seuss party for a couple of years.  I made crayon rolls and I Spy Bags again for the guest take aways.  We made a Lorax, decorated a bow tie (like The Cat In The Hat wears), we ate things like Oobleck Dip, Pulled Roast Beast, and Cold Who Hash.

My boys had fun and so did their guests!  We love throwing parties, I'm going to have to find some more excuses to do just that!

Punk at our "photo wall" with mommy made Truffela Trees.

All the pictures in our home where taken over by Dr. Seuss wisdom!

Bug concentrating very hard on making his bow tie "just so"!

Some of our great guests!

Punk working on his bow tie (blue OF COURSE!).

My photographer's cute son modeling his work of art!

These are the men of the party all cutting out pieces for our Lorax game...

...and cutting...

...and cutting!

Food table.

"Green Eggs and Ham" (that's green deviled eggs with a piece of crispy good!)

"Apples Up On Top Salad" (Snickers and apple salad)

"Oobleck Dip" (Spinach dip and a bounty of veggies)

"The Eye Salad" (That's frog eye salad, and I didn't make it, my awesome friend Autumn did and it's so good!)

"Go, (Hot) Dog, Go!" (hot dogs)

"Moose Juice"

"Moose Juice and Goose Juice"

Bug on the run!

Bug on a bike!

All that cutting the men did going to good use...

...the kids had a blast making a Lorax...

...well maybe not this kid ;)...

But look at the concentration on this one...

...and this one.

And awesome handmade work bench with tools from one of their awesome friends
(and that friend's mommy and daddy who are so creative!)


...and more presents.

Strawberry cupcakes with white chocolate cheesecake frosting (dyed blue)
Punk told me EXACTLY what he wanted...who am I to argue?!

Friday, May 3, 2013

What Makes You Beautiful

So, last Saturday Bobby and I did something I'm not sure I ever thought I would do...we chaperoned a church youth dance.  Seriously, as someone who grew up mostly avoiding chaperons at church dances I never suspected I would be in that position.  Anyway, we put on our dress clothes (did I mention it was church "Prom", seriously, who thinks up this stuff, I certainly didn't wear anything prom-y, but we did wear church clothes) and off we went.  We took a few minutes at the beginning of the dance to scope out places a couple could "hide" to make out (just in case...after all, I know where I was at that age) and then we started to watch the kids come in.  We didn't end up needing to have scoped out those places, either the kids we were chaperoning were much better than I was or they were just better at hiding...

I don't work in the Young Women's organization (I'm in Relief Society), but I know some of the young women in our ward pretty well because they babysit my boys for me.  I was so excited to see them at the dance.  They looked absolutely gorgeous, seriously, breathtaking, and they didn't have to show too much skin to look that way.  Seriously how beautiful are these girls?

And that boy?  He just turned 14 recently and this was his first dance.  I don't know him very well, but I always thought he was the shyer type...oh how wrong I was!  That kid danced pretty much every single slow dance and even got a phone number, FROM AN OLDER GIRL!  He sought out girls who were alone or hadn't danced and I'm sure he made the night for several girls who may not have been asked to dance if it hadn't been for him, what an awesome kid.  I hope that my boys are that sure of themselves and brave enough to dance every dance!

I have some observations from the dance, some things I thought about as we walked among those kids that night...

First was just how beautiful the girls DID look in their modest dresses and how I hope that my boys someday find girls who are confident enough in themselves to be that beautiful in their modesty.

Second, the geeky boys who dance too hard and have too little rhythm but obviously know their music (and know the best music, stuff that is older than them but timeless and amazing), they will someday soon be the cool kids even though they aren't now...I hope they know that.  In their early 20s when the girls start to care more about what you know and when they have grown all the way into their too big feet and they decide to cut their hair and when they've lost their braces they really will be the ones the girls like best and they will be the kind of cool then that matters and that lasts.

Third, I was familiar with almost all of the music they played at the dance, some of the music is stuff that was played at dances when I was a kid (the Electric Slide and Cotton-Eyed Joe are apparently timeless classics) and some of the music was newer.  The kids did dance, most of the kids spent most of the night dancing (there was of course a fair amount of standing around, but there was an impressive amount of dancing as well).  I was really struck by the song that was OBVIOUSLY the crowd favorite that night though.  I had heard the song before but didn't know it well, so I looked it up this week.  It was "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction.  I know, I'm old.  I mean, I know who One Direction is, but I couldn't have told you the name of any of their songs before this.  That night I was impressed that the boys were really singing the song (shamelessly in most cases) to the girls, they were enjoying it.  The girls were singing the song to each other.  And they really meant it.  It made me so happy to think that all of these young people were really TELLING each other that they ARE beautiful...and trust me THEY ARE!

As I was researching my third observation I found these two videos:

The quality of the dub on the first one is a little better, but I love the clips of talks from the General Authorities at the beginning of the second one (I got tears watching them both, I won't lie).

How awesome are these boys?  Right now I am raising boys, not girls, but I hope that when they are teenagers my boys aren't afraid to tell the girls how beautiful they are and I hope I am raising the kind of boys that can see beauty in ALL girls/women and that they are brave enough to see and openly appreciate REAL beauty in the girls around them and I hope that I have boys who are the kind of cool that matters and that lasts...even if they are geeks in the interim.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Sweetest Things

If you are a stay at home mom you know that some days are harder than others.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to stay home with my boys.  That said, there are days when I wish I could go to work for eight-nine hours a day and let someone else deal with the meltdowns, the messes, and the attitudes, today was NOT one of those days.  Today was one of those days that remind me WHY it is important that I am the one who is here with my kids and how very lucky I am.

We were watching Disney Jr. this morning (it's how we roll, yo) when Bug brought me a baby doll and a blanket, he motioned that he wanted me to wrap up the baby, which I did, then Bug climbed up on my lap and kissed the baby and said "nigh nigh ba-ba" (night night baby) several times over, he kissed me then patted my cheek, he touched the baby doll lovingly a few times, gave the baby a few more kisses, then decided he wanted to play and he got down.  A few minutes later he brought me Punks teddy bear and put the bear with the baby doll.  Bug gave the baby some more kisses and said something to the baby in his language.  It went on like that for about half an hour before Bug decided it was okay if I put the baby down on the couch.  My baby is getting so big and he has such a loving and sweet heart even if he's kind of a monster sometimes.

Bug put himself to bed early probably means that this will be a super long night with him, but that's beside the point.  Because Bug was in bed I got some very rare one on one time with Punk.  What did Punk want to do on this, Thanksgiving Eve, when I've been cooking for three days and will be cooking again in the morning?  He wanted to make peanut butter cookies (SO not on the menu), and how could I possibly say no to such a sweet boy with such a simple request?  So, we made peanut butter cookie dough and put it in the fridge to chill.  Punk then crawled up into my lap, gave me a giant hug, and told me (for about the fiftieth time today) that he loves me, and my heart melted into a big puddle of goo.

The house is still the typical mess it is after a day of two little boys playing hard.  I'm still tired from a long night of returning kids to their beds (a fun after effect from the three week gastroenteritis last month we still haven't gotten rid of).  I'm sure I'm in for a long night with the sleeping Bug.  Punk will likely give me attitude about going to bed in an hour.  

And I'm still one lucky lucky mommy.